how does this cover letter sound? any suggestions?

Question

Name
Address
City, state zip
222-111-0000

To whom this may concern:

I would like to offer my attached resume as an application for possible consideration in a position within your facility as a full-time, part-time, or PRN Radiologic Technologist.

I have a background working with in both a hospital and a privately owned clinic as a Radiologic Technologist, giving me experience in working with a wide range of patients including those with physical and mental disabilities, and language barriers. I enjoy the challenge of helping relax and ease the patients that come into the room with anxiety; I like patients to feel that a visit to the x-ray department can be a positive experience.

Please consider my credentials and experience in your search for a qualified, enthusiastic addition to your professional staff. I can be reached at the above address and phone number to arrange an interview at your convenience.

Thank you for your time and consideration of my qualifications.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Sincerely,

Answer 1

First, "to whom it may concern" indicates you were too lazy to pick up the phone to try to figure out who to send this to.



Second,all you are saying is "here's my resume, look at it" - a cover letter should be used to show what you can bring to your new employer outside of skills that are listed on your resume (anyone can read a resume). For example, how were you able to break down language barriers..for example, "My fluency in Spanish allowed me to work with patients who had difficulty converse in in English. Because of this fluency, I was able to decrease mistakes attributable to miscommunication by 10%"



Stay away from vague terms like "enthusiastic" or my favorite phrase "team-oriented" - these words are used by everyone and get ignored so why waste the space. Your potential employer wants to see concrete results from old employers and wants to know what advantages he can expect by hiring you. Your cover letter goes beyond the straight out recitation of your duties, responsibilities and skills and into what you have contributed on a more granular level.

Answer 2

It's not too bad, but a little wordy, and a little over the top in a couple places.



Lots of extra words in the first sentence. "I would like to offer my resume for consideration for a position within your facility as a PRN Radiolic Technologist." I would also leave out the wording about trying to make the visit to the x-ray department a positive experience. That's a little much. Someone would need a very low entertainment threshold to say, "Wow, that trip to the x-ray department sure was fun!"



Try to cut all the extra wording and be careful about too many adjectives.

Answer 3

"I can be reached at the above address and phone number to arrange an interview at your convenience. "



You confused me here. Normal letter writing practice is to put the recipient's name & address at the top of the letter, not the sender's. If it's the recipient's info at the top of the letter, the quoted sentence above makes no sense. Change "above" to "below" and put your address and phone number below where you'll sign your name.



Example:



............I hope to hear from you soon!



Sincerely,



(space to sign your name)



Your Name (typed)



Address

Phone





Other than that, I think it's a good letter. Short, clear and concise.